Archive for the ‘who knew?’ Category

It seemed an interesting idea…

September 30, 2008

And as I’ve said before, I’m a sucker for introspection.

Stolen from The Sweltering Celt: TMI Tuesday! I don’t know if this is something I’ll do every week, but I liked this one. Therefore, here we go:

1. What do you feel is the difference between sexy and erotic?

Erotic is more sensual, Sexy is more primal. The two can cross over quite often, but not always. Sexy is more out-there, obvious, while Erotic hints and teases.

2. Do you believe there is one right person (i.e. soul mate) for you out there in the world, or that there can be many different potential mates that you could live blissfully with?

I’m not one for the ‘soulmate’ idea personally. I think delicately handled poly relationships are very doable, and can make for very happy people. To limit oneself to one partner because of the ‘one right person’ concept can potentially shut someone out of your life that could truly enrich your existance.

3. Do you need to hear “I love you” or similar words on a regular basis from your partner?

I don’t necessarily need to hear ‘I love you’; but I do occasionally need assurances that I’m wanted. A compliment out of the blue, a sensual kiss that takes me by surprise, any number of little things to make me feel that my partner actually gets something out of having me around. ;)

4. What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?

Tough call. I’m going to settle on Desire (not sure if it counts as a ‘feeling’ exactly, but there it is). Desire: It’s difficult (read: impossible) for me to admit to someone that I’m interested in them as more than a friend unless they’ve already expressed interest in me. Rejection is extremely hard for me to take. It’s something I’m working on, and will continue to. (Okay, this question was actually tough for me to answer and not edit out. I’m going to leave it, at least for now. I may puss out later. ;))

5. What is worse – physical, mental or cyber cheating?

Another difficult question, as the definition of cheating really depends on the people in question. Once the boundaries are set, then my choice for most betraying is physical cheating. To me, cheating is dishonesty. If I’m in a committed relationship, and my partner wants to sleep with someone else, they can tell me. We’ll discuss it. If we agree it’s not a bad idea, then cool! Be careful, be safe, and give me details when you get home. ;) If you simply go behind my back, or lie to me about it? Yeah, I’m pissed.

If it’s cybering, all it is is interactive porn in my opinion. As long as it’s not affecting the relationship, it’s nothing to worry about. mental/emotional cheating is still in the thought-fantasy stages. It’s a little closer to the worry point, but can spawn communication about any problems that may be in the relationship. Once it’s physical, it’s real, and is much more difficult to return from. In my opinion, honesty and communication are always the keys to any relationship.

Bonus (as in optional): The Kinsey scale attempts to describe a person’s sexual history or episodes of their sexual activity at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. Where are you – TODAY – on the scale?

This actually does vary day by day (the tendency, not in terms of actual episodes). Today? I’m probably a 2. I’m still finding females attractive, but I’m really craving sex with a male right now. Ask me tomorrow, you may get another number. ;)

This was actually kind of tough. Good on ya, Sweltering Celt.

February??

September 6, 2008

While responding to a message from kinkylibrarian on Twitter, I realized something.

I haven’t had sex since February. That’s right, seven months ago, that February. Seven freaking months.

Now, I’ve had lots of snuggletime and makeout time and some nice floggings*, but no actual sex. No wonder my sex drive’s been going batshit for a while now!

This post really doesn’t have much of a point to it except to just say this: I really need to get laid. That is all. *grin*

*I’m finding that when I top, I’m enjoying myself immensely, but I’m really not sexually aroused at all. When I’m bottoming, I get (extremely!) sexually aroused…but not sexually frustrated. It’s like the scene itself takes the place of sex, even though there may not be any actual sexual contact. It’s a temporary fix, but it works. *snicker*

Thoughts About Submission

August 31, 2008

Before I started researching BDSM and talking to more people in the lifestyle, I used to refer to some of my moods as ‘dominant’ and ‘submissive’. After the research, I actually amended that. I really tend to be more ‘top’ or ‘bottom’ than ‘dom’ or ‘sub’. I can be dominant or submissive for a period of time, but I’m not either on a permanent basis.

Last night CK and I had a playdate. Any play we’ve done before has been almost impromptu, short, and not extremely intense. This was a full-blown planned and anticipated scene as opposed to the casual nature of our other playtimes. The anticipation, I found, really put me in an interesting frame of mind. It seemed to do the same for him, if I were to judge by the intensity of the scene.

He called me before he came over to talk about dinner plans, and then he says, “I think I’m going to put a gag on you tonight.”. I think I actually paused before answering “Oo-kay.”. The idea seemed kind of out of the blue, and I’ve never worn a gag (or even really thought about it) before. He followed up with, “What do you think about that? Is that all right?”. I replied with, “I’ll try anything once.” and then we talked about other things.

When he came over, we ate dinner and talked, and then playtime started. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned a dozen times before, CK bites. He was in more of a biting mood than usual and he was much more physical about it than usual, grabbing me and restraining me with hands and body while he sank his teeth into my back, my shoulders, and my neck. I was already breathless by the time he moved me where he wanted me. He pulled a bit gag out of his bag and asked me again if I was okay with it. I nodded, but I was oddly hesitant. I really don’t know why I was hesitant about it…it was strange. I agreed to try it, though. He turned me around and fitted the gag in my mouth, buckling it under my hair. While I was facing away from him, he ran a hand over my back and then bit me again, hard. I could still make as much noise as I wanted, but couldn’t articulate.

CK stripped me down to my underwear, had me lean against the counter, and raked his nails over my back several times (that always makes me shiver). He then turned me around and asked if I was still okay. I nodded slowly. At this point he just stared at me for a moment, stroking my hair, and I stared back. I was almost trembling, and we hadn’t even really started yet. He jokingly bemoaned the fact that his camera batteries were dead, because (and I quote) “You look really hot in that.”. He turned me back around and started grabbing floggers out of my bag.

Right then, I really felt more vulnerable than I have in a long time. My hands and feet were free, I wasn’t restrained in any way other than by CK telling me where to put my feet and hands. Standing there nearly naked, gagged, skin already tingling from the marks of nails and teeth, I felt exposed, vulnerable, and I enjoyed every second of it.

The flogging itself I won’t go into a play-by-play on for the simple reason that it would get dull fast. I will say that the rope flogger I made with the three knots on each strand? When used with force, it leaves a gathering of welts that turns into a gathering of tiny bruises. It’s harsh. That one, the bootlace flogger, and the large red and black ones are the ones that made me squeal and writhe the most. CK likes the heaviness of the red and black one, while I like the sharp sting of the bootlace. After a while, he removed the gag; he didn’t want it to get too uncomfortable my first time wearing it.

Finally he stopped a little abruptly, changed the tone of the music (he’d set up a soundtrack; heavier music for the scene itself and quieter music for cooling down), and lightly started stroking my back. When it got through my somewhat fuddled mind that we were done, I protested lightly “We’re done? Aw…” and “I could go longer…”, but didn’t push it when he drew me over to the couch to sit.

See, a while back, I told CK I wanted to take baby steps, and asked him to keep an eye on me to make sure I didn’t go too far too fast and do anything stupid. I apparently jumped in a way that made him really look closely at me, and he decided I’d had enough. He was right, I’m sure, but at that moment he could have suggested damn near anything and I would have agreed. “Wanna try flesh hook suspension with dinner forks?” “Oh sure! sounds like fun!!”. *snicker* So yeah, it’s good to have someone that’s actually keeping a watch. I’d lost track of time, it seems. I thought it had been maybe fifteen minutes, and it had been nearly an hour.

Now, coming back to the title of the post. When CK has topped me in the past (either the two mini-scenes or the many times we’d just played around with teeth and nails and flesh), I never really felt truly submissive. Bottom-y, yes, but not really submissive. If someone bites me on the back of the neck or tugs my hair just right, it puts me in a somewhat submissive mood, but that only goes so far. When he put that bit in my mouth and buckled it tight, it put me straight into a very submissive headspace. Even though my hands were free, I would never have thought about removing it unless I had permission to do so. It was a strange and almost scary feeling, and it took me a while thinking about it afterward to process.

I ultimately concluded that I liked the feeling, that headspace, at least tentatively. ;) It’s something I’m curious about exploring in the future. I’m also wondering if that was a one-time thing or if being gagged like that will always put me into that submissive space.

CK had fun too; he’s normally the one doing the bottoming, and these playtimes give him a chance to let out his top/sadistic side. I think he’s enjoying exploring that side of himself.

In any case…it was amazingly fun, I’m amazingly sore, and I have some amazingly cool bitemarks. If I can get the boy back over before they fade, I’ll try to get some pics. They’re not in spots that I can photograph successfully.

Anybody else have odd triggers like that, or notice a difference between bottom-space and subspace? Am I overthinking things (because I do tend to do that)? Anybody want to massage a sore back and ass? ;)

Cause and effect…HNT?

August 21, 2008

Never thought I’d be doing this, but…

So there’s cause and then there’s effect. It’s simply the way the world works, and we have no power over the sequence.

The cause:And the effect:

Happy HNT!

(note: this post is done in a tongue in cheek manner, of course. This isn’t a drunken moment of exhibition; merely a sleepy moment of exhibition. *grin*)

Y’know, I never thought about it…

July 27, 2008

I’ve always had a thing for stage magicians/escape artists.

Escape artists as hot submissives, found on the Erotic Bohemian blog.