Archive for the ‘intro’ Category

The Story So Far

July 16, 2008

So far, my travels in the less vanilla world have been quite tame and quite few. Before recently (recently being the past few months), my experiences have mostly amounted to some light bondage with starter velcro cuffs, a lot of conversations with people in the BDSM scene (a good friend of mine has been in the lifestyle for many years), and being allowed to watch a scene or two (I’m very much the voyeur. ;)). I have a small rubber flogger, but until recently it hadn’t actually been used on or by me other than as a light tease, strands running across skin.

My experiences with pain have always been as a spice for sex. Biting and scratching, and me being the one doing most of that; a rare rough grab that would leave bruises on an arm or a leg. I assumed that that was the extent of my enjoyment of pain, but in the past few months I’ve realized that I was wrong. While I enjoyed the mild pain during sex, the sex wasn’t what made it enjoyable…I’ve discovered that I really enjoy pain.

Now, this isn’t to say that if I stub my toe I’m gonna go all gooey and happy. Nope. That shit hurts. But a good hard bite administered in the right place with the right timing? Oh yeah. That little rubber flogger wielded hard enough to sting? Very nice. A handful of hair tugged just right? Makes me crazy.

I’m still kind of coming to terms with that fact. For some reason I always saw enjoying a little pain during sex as “normal” (normal in quotes, because frankly I’ve never been quite normal. ;)). Enjoying pain for the sake of the pain? I really didn’t think that was my thing. Turns out I was wrong. Who knew?

Eventually I’m going to calm down on all the ‘intro posts’, but I’d rather do several subject-specific intros than one gigantic one that nobody’s going to end up finishing. *grin* Besides, the several-post beginning lets me get my thoughts together before each one.

Next: a minor Dramatis Personae.

Who is this annoying newbie, anyway? The ‘Who’ of this blog.

July 15, 2008

I suppose I should write a little about myself to kind of set the stage.

I’m a geek. I’m a gamer geek, sci-fi/fantasy geek, and really just kind of a random all-around geek. I like being a geek. I’m finding that geeks are surprisingly common amongst BDSM types, so I’m rather enjoying that.

Physically, I’m somewhat tall for a woman, fat (but with a good bit of muscle beneath), and pretty comfortable in my own skin these days. Mostly, at least. The last remnants of my self-esteem issues are still there, but going away bit by bit. My eyes are pale-ish and my hair is long; very long. Perfectly straight. I tend to get my hair stroked quite a bit by many different people…and no complaints from me. :)

Mentally, I’m relatively stable. ;) I’ve just been through an extraordinarily stressful time in my life and seem to have gotten past it at least mostly unscathed. There are lingering stresses, but nothing unmanageable.

Emotionally, I’m in an interesting place. I call it a selfish point in my life; instead of worrying and wondering about what other people think of me or want from me, I’m going to enjoy being me for a while. This isn’t to say I’m being a jerk or ignoring friends in need; I basically mean that I’m trying to make myself my first priority these days.

Sexually, I’m bisexual. The way I tend to describe it is this: My attraction to males is more primal (a ‘need’), and my attraction to females is more aesthetic (a ‘want’). This is obviously a generalization, but it stands for the majority of physical gender. I’m finding that I have polyamorous leanings as well, at least when it comes to non-committed relationships.

As for the BDSM side of things, I call myself a switch; topping and bottoming both appeal to me quite a bit, at least in theory. I haven’t done a lot of either. I’ve also always known that I like a little pain mixed in with my pleasure (you know, a bite on the shoulder during sex. Bruises from being grabbed a little too roughly by the arm, that kind of thing). Lately I’m realizing that that the level of pain I enjoy is actually quite a bit higher than I’ve thought all these years…

This blog is going to probably be vastly boring for anyone but me, but it’s a place to get my thoughts together and maybe learn a little something from a wide variety of people. That’s the theory, at least. ;)

So that’s me in a nutshell. Any questions?

All the cool kids are doing it! The ‘Why’ of this blog.

July 15, 2008

So yeah. Blogging.

I’ve had a Livejournal account for years, and most of my friends have a link to it. I’ve made a couple of posts there with thoughts and questions about BDSM, kink and polyamory, but they were set on a pretty extreme friend filter (extreme as in only two people other than myself could actually see it). Therefore, there wasn’t a lot of outside input…the two people that could see the posts are people I see on a weekly basis!

I’ve had friends in the BDSM/kink/poly scenes for years on and off, and despite having pretty strong curiosity have never gotten into them myself; a good chunk of my reticence has been due to remnants of self-esteem issues that I’ve been getting over in stages for years. I’ve recently decided to explore my curiosity and see where it takes me.

I’ve been researching recently, and a lot of my research has brought me to individual blogs. Real people, real experiences, and a lot of fun. I got the idea in my head to set up a blog of my own under a different name. That way I’d be a little less hesitant to talk about anything I felt like exploring. We’ll see how it works…