Archive for the ‘about me’ Category

Oh Noes! I’ve been tagged!

October 21, 2008

The Butterfly Temptress tagged me with a meme!

The Rules-
* Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog – some random, some weird.
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.
* Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Step one: check.

Step two:

  • I roast coffee, brew beer, and can skin and butcher my own meat.
  • I get mildly obsessive about learning how things work.
  • My college work was in psych and criminal justice.
  • I’ve been trying to get the Playgirl issue with Peter Steele (from Type O Negative) for about ten years now; I’ve offered upwards of fifty bucks, but nobody I know will part with it.
  • I love durian (It’s a fruit. Look it up. You’ll understand why it’s worth mentioning).
  • I’ve seen Tom Jones live in concert. And y’know what? He was pretty damn cool. So was Johnny Mathis.
  • I have a small collection of bladed weapons that I’m always interested in expanding.

Step 3: This one’s tough, cause damn near everybody’s been tagged already…but here goes.

Thursday’s Child: Because she’s just so much fun.
Narration by D: Because he doesn’t write enough!
Mina and Sylvanus: Because I miss them on Twitter.
Alpine Subdreams: Because she posts pretty pictures. I still love the feathers!
Ellie: Because I’m so going to meet her one of these days.
VanImp: Simply because she’s awesome.
Curvaceous Dee: Because she inspired me to start this blog and I love her for it. ;)

Step 4: Profit! Err..comment! I’ll get right on that (eventually). ;) Forgive me if your comment doesn’t show up for a day or two…

It seemed an interesting idea…

September 30, 2008

And as I’ve said before, I’m a sucker for introspection.

Stolen from The Sweltering Celt: TMI Tuesday! I don’t know if this is something I’ll do every week, but I liked this one. Therefore, here we go:

1. What do you feel is the difference between sexy and erotic?

Erotic is more sensual, Sexy is more primal. The two can cross over quite often, but not always. Sexy is more out-there, obvious, while Erotic hints and teases.

2. Do you believe there is one right person (i.e. soul mate) for you out there in the world, or that there can be many different potential mates that you could live blissfully with?

I’m not one for the ‘soulmate’ idea personally. I think delicately handled poly relationships are very doable, and can make for very happy people. To limit oneself to one partner because of the ‘one right person’ concept can potentially shut someone out of your life that could truly enrich your existance.

3. Do you need to hear “I love you” or similar words on a regular basis from your partner?

I don’t necessarily need to hear ‘I love you’; but I do occasionally need assurances that I’m wanted. A compliment out of the blue, a sensual kiss that takes me by surprise, any number of little things to make me feel that my partner actually gets something out of having me around. ;)

4. What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?

Tough call. I’m going to settle on Desire (not sure if it counts as a ‘feeling’ exactly, but there it is). Desire: It’s difficult (read: impossible) for me to admit to someone that I’m interested in them as more than a friend unless they’ve already expressed interest in me. Rejection is extremely hard for me to take. It’s something I’m working on, and will continue to. (Okay, this question was actually tough for me to answer and not edit out. I’m going to leave it, at least for now. I may puss out later. ;))

5. What is worse – physical, mental or cyber cheating?

Another difficult question, as the definition of cheating really depends on the people in question. Once the boundaries are set, then my choice for most betraying is physical cheating. To me, cheating is dishonesty. If I’m in a committed relationship, and my partner wants to sleep with someone else, they can tell me. We’ll discuss it. If we agree it’s not a bad idea, then cool! Be careful, be safe, and give me details when you get home. ;) If you simply go behind my back, or lie to me about it? Yeah, I’m pissed.

If it’s cybering, all it is is interactive porn in my opinion. As long as it’s not affecting the relationship, it’s nothing to worry about. mental/emotional cheating is still in the thought-fantasy stages. It’s a little closer to the worry point, but can spawn communication about any problems that may be in the relationship. Once it’s physical, it’s real, and is much more difficult to return from. In my opinion, honesty and communication are always the keys to any relationship.

Bonus (as in optional): The Kinsey scale attempts to describe a person’s sexual history or episodes of their sexual activity at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. Where are you – TODAY – on the scale?

This actually does vary day by day (the tendency, not in terms of actual episodes). Today? I’m probably a 2. I’m still finding females attractive, but I’m really craving sex with a male right now. Ask me tomorrow, you may get another number. ;)

This was actually kind of tough. Good on ya, Sweltering Celt.

BDSM Checklist

September 25, 2008

The always-thinking Erotic Bohemian has started putting up her standard checklist up on her blog in series, with a call to other bloggers to talk about their own experiences with the activities within. Being that I love a good introspection, of course I took the bait.

Here goes:

  • An activity (or activities) that was a fun experience for you. What did you enjoy or what was an especially pleasurable activity? If you’ve never attempted any on the list, which do you think you’d enjoy if you had to choose one and why?
  • What, if any, of the activities below pushes a limit for you? Have you attempted it?
  • What, if any, of the below items was a good learning experience for you?

I’m kind of altering the original idea and going through each activity. Some I like, some aren’t so comfy, and some I’ve never tried. And for those of you that haven’t been reading my blog and don’t know me, I’m quite the switch, which is why I’m answering on both the top and bottom angles. ;)

The Checklist: Part I

Abrasion
I like sensations of many many kinds. If I’m understanding this right, it’s abrasive sensation, sandpaper, etc? If that’s the case, I’m up for trying it. ;)

Age Play
It’s not my thing. I know people that are into it, but it’s not something I would be into myself.

Anal Fisting
Receiving end? Oh no. Uh-uh. Giving end? If the other person was really into it (and I knew a little more about doing it safely), I’d consider it. It wouldn’t be a suggestion I’d bring up personally (Hey, I know what we can do that’s fun!!!). ;)

Anal Sex
Yup. When done properly, it’s quite fun. Always remember: LUBE IS YOUR FRIEND.

Animal Roles
This one’s kind of an odd one for me. I know it’s referring to pony/puppy/kitty play, but I have a rather strong animal side to me, and it can show up during sexual play. It’s not really a kink, just a personality thing.

Ass Worship / Analingus
Not something I’ve been on either end of. With proper safety precautions, it wouldn’t be out of the picture either way.

Bathroom Use Control
Not something I’d find fun on either end.

Beating (Soft)
Beating (Hard)
As in rough body play? On the giving end: I’m learning a little bit about this, coincidentally. CK likes it, and I want to be able to do it safely. As the recipient: Not sure I’d dig it, but it’s not something I’ve tried (other than playful wrestling with friends). Jury’s out on that one.

Behavior Modification
I’m not interested so far in long-term D/s relationships, and this would definitely have to be along that line. It’s interesting to hear about, however.

Begging
Depends on the individual, the setting, and the situation.

Being Bitten
Oh yeah. ;) I think we all know I like this one. Biting or being bitten, actually.

Belts
Haven’t tried, either end. I’d be willing to.

Blindfolds
I like the idea of someone else in one; I find it aesthetically pleasant and fun from a top’s point of view. As for myself, I’m not sure if I’d like it or not. I’d like to try wearing one at some point. The bit gag was an interesting headspace for me, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a blindfold did something similar.

Body Writing
From a fun body art kind of perspective, could be interesting.

Body Worship With Tongue
I like to lick. ;) I like to be licked. That one’s pretty simple. :)

Bondage (Light)
Bondage (Heavy)
I’ve played with light bondage so far and have enjoyed it immensely, both being the one bound and the one doing the binding. ;) Haven’t tried heavy bondage yet, but am very willing.

Bondage (Public, Under Clothing)
The public stuff isn’t my thing. I don’t think I’d get a kick out of this one…

Boot Worship
Clothing is nice, but it’s not a fetish to me. It’s not anywhere near a limit or anything, but not something I’d seek out.

Branding (Permanent)
I rarely say never, but this one’s close. There’d have to be a really good reason.

Breath Control / Asphyxiation
This is currently a limit for me. I can deal with having light pressure on my throat, but that’s where the line is. And I also won’t control someone else’s breathing; it’s too dangerous and I’m too new at all this.

Cages
I think it’d be fun to have someone on ‘display’, as it were. As for myself, I’m not one to like being on display myself. I do have to admit, though, a part of me does find the idea intriguing. I’m not sure if I’d enjoy it, but it would be an interesting experience.

Caning
Haven’t tried it, but I really want to. Pretty welts. ;)

Castration Fantasy
As a mindfuck during a scene, it might be interesting…

Catheterization
Nope. I’ve been in too many hospitals and dealt with too much illness in others for this to be appealing to me.

Cattle Prod
That’d be fun to play with. *grin*

Cigarette / Cigar Smoke
Nope. Don’t find it sexy in the least.

Chains
I enjoy the aesthetics of chains; they’re visually, aurally, and tactilely appealing.

Choking
Discussed up there in breath play. *points up*

Clothespins (What body parts? )
Very curious about playing with clothespins. I picked some up during one of my ‘pervertibles’ trips to the dollar store, but haven’t had the opportunity to use ’em yet. And what body parts? I really don’t know, to be honest. I’m open to experimentation.

Clothing Specified
not sure what this one means?

Collars
Love the way they look on others, love the way they feel on me.

Competitions (With Other Subs)
This would be something I’d enjoy watching. ;)

Confinement (Long Or Short Term)
Confinement by itself? Not so much.

Crawling On Hands & Knees
This would have to be in context. I’m not into humiliation myself, and this resonates like that for me. If I was topping and my playmate was into it, that’s another thing altogether.

Crossdressing
Pleasant to watch; not really a personal kink of mine, but I can appreciate the appeal of it for others.

Cuckoldry
I’m thinking this one’s an N/A for me. :)

Cum Eating (yours)
Cum Eating (others)
Other than the spelling of ‘cum’ squicking me (don’t know why. ‘come’ is fine, but ‘cum’ grates. :)), I don’t have a problem with it in the context of giving oral sex, at least. Now, basic safety makes this one a no-no with casual partners.

Cuffs
Love ’em, both on myself and others.

Cum tasting, consumption (yours/others)
Didn’t we just do this one? *points up*

Cunnilingus
I’m a fan. ;)

Cutting
I’m very curious about cuttings; I’m not sure how I’d enjoy being on the recieving end, but I think I’d dig it. As for being the one doing the cutting, I think I’d be too tempted to taste, which ain’t healthy. ;)

Now, keep in mind: if I said I wasn’t into your particular kink, please don’t take it as an insult! My opinions are just that, and your mileage may vary. :)

If anybody has any questions about my answers or wants me to clarify, speak up! I’m listening. :)

Blogging Ego Boosts!

September 24, 2008

So (every time I start a post with the word So, I think of The Snarling Misanthrope. Thanks) I started playing with Feedburner yesterday. It’s supposed to help people subscribe to my blog feed if they were having issues (apparently some were), optimize my readers’ ‘feed experience’ (whatever that is), and get my name out there a little bit.

I have to admit to a little net-vanity here; I enjoy knowing that people are reading my blog. I like that people are perhaps learning something, or getting a laugh, or (to be embarrassingly honest) checking out my HNT pics. ;) I don’t have a commercial interest in this blog in any way. Someday if I get a big readerbase (or if I get a bitchin’ discount. ;)) I may add some affiliate links or somesuch, but otherwise there’s no actual reason for me to really want to build my readership. I still do, so I’m going for it.

As for the Ego Boosts mentioned in the title:

Since I started using StatCounter in mid-August, I’ve gotten almost 700 page loads. 488 unique visitors (now, keep in mind, I think this is controlled by cookies and if people remove their cookie for the site that can skew it).

I get people visiting from home, from their phones, and from their work. ;) You know who you are.

People from all over the world have seen this blog at one point or another. The top ten countries:

  • The US had the most.
  • Then New Zealand! I have a big Kiwi following. *waves at Dee, VanImp, and the rest of the Kiwis!*
  • The UK’s right after that.
  • Canada and…
  • …France are tied.
  • Then Australia. I really think I need to move to the Southern Hemisphere.
  • Italy is next.
  • Ireland ties with Italy.
  • Then Poland and
  • The Ukraine.

There’s more, but only two or three of each.

None of the hits came from search engines. A good amount came from links posted on other blogger’s sites (thanks, all y’all!).

Now, all of those stats are from my original StatCounter. What does feedburner do for me?

it tells me that I have actual subscribers. Subscribers may not show up on my hits (I’m still not completely sure how that works), but I realize that there’s people that actually read my stuff! Woo! I just have to make sure to keep my stuff interesting now. ;)

Thanks, all. You’ve read my ramblings, offered advice, and given feedback and encouragement.

Keep reading!

Why Do We Do It?

August 2, 2008

This post is in response to a suggestion made by Curvaceous Dee in her post ‘Rebuttal‘.

In the post, she explains why she shares the most intimate details of her sexuality in her blog. It’s good stuff, give it a read. In the comments, she suggests making it a meme and following her lead. So, here it is. :)

I explained a little of the why in an earlier post, but I’ll elaborate a little.

While I suppose I’m considered a sex/lifestyle blogger, my posts tend to be rather more on the technical side than the erotic. The subject may be erotic, but as of yet I haven’t posted anything extremely titillating (other than photos of lovely marks on a nice strong back; those were pretty hot, I’ll admit). Part of the reason for that is that the point to starting this blog was for introspective purposes; an examination of myself and my experiences. I’m still very much in the process of learning about the kinky side of myself, figuring out what I actually like, don’t like, what my limits and needs are. Hence the technical, learning style of writing I’ve used so far. The other part is that I’m still a bit self-conscious, but that’s slowly but surely fading. As I evolve, the blog will as well. Stay tuned.

Another reason for writing about these intimate things for all to see: networking, learning, and someday helping others. I’m a newbie to the BDSM scene; I do have real-life friends that have been there for years. However, knowledge is power, and I want to learn from a variety of people about a variety of things. Feedback is good. And at some point there’ll be someone else that’s learning and searching that stumbles onto this blog, and hopefully my introspection and the interactions that happen here can help them in their own quest.

So that’s why I do this in a nutshell.

Anybody else?

The Story So Far

July 16, 2008

So far, my travels in the less vanilla world have been quite tame and quite few. Before recently (recently being the past few months), my experiences have mostly amounted to some light bondage with starter velcro cuffs, a lot of conversations with people in the BDSM scene (a good friend of mine has been in the lifestyle for many years), and being allowed to watch a scene or two (I’m very much the voyeur. ;)). I have a small rubber flogger, but until recently it hadn’t actually been used on or by me other than as a light tease, strands running across skin.

My experiences with pain have always been as a spice for sex. Biting and scratching, and me being the one doing most of that; a rare rough grab that would leave bruises on an arm or a leg. I assumed that that was the extent of my enjoyment of pain, but in the past few months I’ve realized that I was wrong. While I enjoyed the mild pain during sex, the sex wasn’t what made it enjoyable…I’ve discovered that I really enjoy pain.

Now, this isn’t to say that if I stub my toe I’m gonna go all gooey and happy. Nope. That shit hurts. But a good hard bite administered in the right place with the right timing? Oh yeah. That little rubber flogger wielded hard enough to sting? Very nice. A handful of hair tugged just right? Makes me crazy.

I’m still kind of coming to terms with that fact. For some reason I always saw enjoying a little pain during sex as “normal” (normal in quotes, because frankly I’ve never been quite normal. ;)). Enjoying pain for the sake of the pain? I really didn’t think that was my thing. Turns out I was wrong. Who knew?

Eventually I’m going to calm down on all the ‘intro posts’, but I’d rather do several subject-specific intros than one gigantic one that nobody’s going to end up finishing. *grin* Besides, the several-post beginning lets me get my thoughts together before each one.

Next: a minor Dramatis Personae.

Who is this annoying newbie, anyway? The ‘Who’ of this blog.

July 15, 2008

I suppose I should write a little about myself to kind of set the stage.

I’m a geek. I’m a gamer geek, sci-fi/fantasy geek, and really just kind of a random all-around geek. I like being a geek. I’m finding that geeks are surprisingly common amongst BDSM types, so I’m rather enjoying that.

Physically, I’m somewhat tall for a woman, fat (but with a good bit of muscle beneath), and pretty comfortable in my own skin these days. Mostly, at least. The last remnants of my self-esteem issues are still there, but going away bit by bit. My eyes are pale-ish and my hair is long; very long. Perfectly straight. I tend to get my hair stroked quite a bit by many different people…and no complaints from me. :)

Mentally, I’m relatively stable. ;) I’ve just been through an extraordinarily stressful time in my life and seem to have gotten past it at least mostly unscathed. There are lingering stresses, but nothing unmanageable.

Emotionally, I’m in an interesting place. I call it a selfish point in my life; instead of worrying and wondering about what other people think of me or want from me, I’m going to enjoy being me for a while. This isn’t to say I’m being a jerk or ignoring friends in need; I basically mean that I’m trying to make myself my first priority these days.

Sexually, I’m bisexual. The way I tend to describe it is this: My attraction to males is more primal (a ‘need’), and my attraction to females is more aesthetic (a ‘want’). This is obviously a generalization, but it stands for the majority of physical gender. I’m finding that I have polyamorous leanings as well, at least when it comes to non-committed relationships.

As for the BDSM side of things, I call myself a switch; topping and bottoming both appeal to me quite a bit, at least in theory. I haven’t done a lot of either. I’ve also always known that I like a little pain mixed in with my pleasure (you know, a bite on the shoulder during sex. Bruises from being grabbed a little too roughly by the arm, that kind of thing). Lately I’m realizing that that the level of pain I enjoy is actually quite a bit higher than I’ve thought all these years…

This blog is going to probably be vastly boring for anyone but me, but it’s a place to get my thoughts together and maybe learn a little something from a wide variety of people. That’s the theory, at least. ;)

So that’s me in a nutshell. Any questions?