Archive for July, 2008

More About the Lesson

July 31, 2008

(Edit: The Boy has decided that instead of being referred to as the boy, he wants to be called CK. Works for me. Less typing. :) So going forward, CK=the boy. We now return you to your regularly scheduled post.)

Last night was a very interesting technical ‘class’ on BDSM in general and the specifics surrounding a scene. This post isn’t going to make for a very titillating read; instead it’s going to go over some things I learned, some things I noticed, and how I felt about the whole experience. Who knows, titillating or not, you may still find it interesting. Keep reading.

We (SC, the boy and I) gathered at my apartment after we were all done with our respective workdays. We had a lovely dinner of caesar salad with chicken (SC cooks. ;)), and the boy cleaned up the kitchen while SC started telling me about the history of BDSM in America, what the lifestyle means to her, and some safety basics. We’d had conversations about safety and etiquette before in passing, but a little reinforcement is never a bad thing.

Then SC and the boy went through a mock-negotiation, as if they’d never met, so I could get a feel for the amount of information generally exchanged…it may sound silly, but it was actually quite helpful. While they were doing that and I listened, I rummaged through the toys.

Because we’d already negotiated beforehand that I wasn’t going to be using any singletails without some non-human-body practice, I didn’t use a couple of the pretty pretty toys she brought. But I did admire them. ;) I picked out a few floggers to play with (the ones pictured in the previous post).

First, we blindfolded the boy and hogtied him (Side note: the boy looks amazingly hot in cuffs, and he really enjoys wearing them). Due to an old injury he can’t stay in that position for long, but I started on him with the blue and black flogger after a brief instruction from SC. After a few minutes, we got him up and leaned him against the counter, hands cuffed in front.

Since this was my first time playing with toys with any reach, SC arranged a towel around the boy’s neck to protect his face just in case I made any accidental wrap-shots; not a bad precaution considering I don’t have any experience in trying to aim. I also learned to watch the backswing; if you’re not careful, you can hit your damn fool self. *grin*

After getting the feel of the heft and swing of the longer, softer toy, I switched to the one that I really thought would be roughest (the one at the top of the photo). The strands are thicker and harder leather, though still marvelously flexible. This one did get a better reaction and was easier to wield, as the strands didn’t get tangled as easily. The relative lightness also allowed for swifter strikes.

Then I moved on to the smallest of the floggers. It’s basically a number of thin suede laces wrapped together (it looks amazingly easy to make, and I will so be making one). This one was fun. Nice marks, each strand leaving its own red streak on his back…this one got the most pleasant growls out of the boy, as I mentioned before.

Keep in mind, this wasn’t all grim and serious; completely the opposite. We were having fun. There was giggling and tickling and SC broke out ice cubes at one point (now that was fun); there were jokes and it was just all around a good time.

After this, SC demonstrated the safe use of a singletail and a few other impact toys, including a dragon’s tongue (oh, I so want one of these) and a length of light chain. After that we called it. The boy got snuggled and petted and hugged, and slowly he came down from the rush. After SC left, the boy and I snuggled on the couch and talked about idle things, relaxing.

A few interesting things I noted about myself during this:
When SC wasn’t actively demonstrating, I found myself becoming alternately hyperfocused on the boy’s back as if it were a canvas that I was painting and hyperaware of his reactions. It was a little strange, actually; the boy’s very stoic, and I know from experience that if he actually makes a noise it’s either very good or very bad, and I found myself pausing at each sound he made trying to determine which it was. I think that pausing too much actually interrupted the rhythm of the flogging and probably wasn’t the best thing I could have done. I probably should have trusted him to know his limits and call yellow if he needed to, but I was overthinking it. I’ll ask the boy his thoughts next time I see him.

Also, I realized that after the scene, I was feeling extremely protective of the boy. Not possessive, but protective. I felt like I needed to make sure he was okay. That’s not our normal dynamic, but it felt natural. I also felt more of a need to touch him than normal. Nothing too out there, just a hand on his shoulder or his arm, and if I had to step away for a moment I’d move back as soon as possible. Odd.

Finally, when we were snuggling on the couch afterward, we were doing our usual bantering/wrestling, and he tried one of his usual maneuvers. To explain: generally, even if I’m not in a submissive frame of mind, there are a couple of triggers that will put me there. He’s learned ’em. So when he wants to get his way, he’ll usually slide his fingers through my hair at the back of my neck and grip a handful (hard!). This usually makes me stop anything I’m doing or saying, gasp, and simply wait for whatever…
So he tried this maneuver. It didn’t do a damn thing. I simply said “That’s not doing what it normally does.” grinned, and pulled his hand away. I found that pretty interesting, actually.

Anyway…amazingly long post later, that was my evening. Hope it was at least vaguely interesting.

A Quickie Before Bed, Compliments of Ellie_Lumpesse

July 31, 2008

This will get stuck in your head. It so will.

Pansexuality rap. Way too fun.

Topping for Dummies

July 31, 2008


So I got my lesson this evening, and y’know what? That was a lot of fun.

Simply because I am a newbie and I knew my aim would be crap, we agreed that there would be no singletails. I did, however, enjoy the hell out of using some floggers, as you’ll see in this pic to the left.

Looking at them and hefting them, I knew the blue one would be the least intense. It’s soft, but can still sting. I really figured the heavy thick leather one (the one in the top in the pic) would be the most intense. Instead, it turned out to be the smallish one in the middle that made the most marks (and got the most growly noises out of the boy ;)).

I’m pretty wiped out and I have to work early in the morning, so there’ll be more of a post tomorrow. Just figured I’d get a little semi-post up for now. I’m also going to see if the boy minds me posting a picture or two I took (even though they don’t show his face, there’s no way I’m posting them without his okay).

So I’m off to bed, relaxed and happy. More tomorrow.

Pointed to this by Ellie_Lumpesse

July 29, 2008

Sexy naked nerd boy roundup? I’m so there. (link from the Pornocracy blog)

Personally, I enjoy seeing naked men. I also enjoy seeing naked women, but that’s beside the point. Most porn is geared towards a male audience. Most of the porn I’ve found that’s supposedly geared towards women is ‘softer’ porn, and really doesn’t appeal to me at all. I’ve recently been watching the ‘Fashionistas’ series of movies (borrowed from The Boy)…and the first movie is really one of the few I’ve found that actually has a man being topped by a woman. Hot!

So go check out the Pornocracy blog. The article is remarkably well-written and brings up some very good points.

Topping for Dummies

July 27, 2008

So I talked to SC, and we scheduled a ‘Topping 101-safe and effective use of impact toys’ class with The Boy as test subject. Wednesday night is gonna be interesting.

She’s going to be the ideal teacher for this, because she’s been in the scene for a lot of years now; not sure exactly how many years, but they number in at least the teens. He’s going to be an ideal test subject, because…well, he’s a pain slut. :) The only problem is when I play with someone else I’m going to have to learn to dial _down_ until I know what they can take; The Boy has a huge pain tolerance.

But…this is actually a pretty big step in my real-life learning. You can read, research, and be told all about impact play, but hands-on (as it were) experience is a different animal.

My only worry is that I’m not going to have the talent for it. I get the impression that topping someone isn’t all about technical skill, but that there’s talent involved too…we’ll see how it goes.

If this does end up happening Wednesday (real life can always intervene, of course, and push the lesson to a different time), I’ll write up a post for it. If there are any pretty marks, I’ll see if I can get some pics. ;)

Y’know, I never thought about it…

July 27, 2008

I’ve always had a thing for stage magicians/escape artists.

Escape artists as hot submissives, found on the Erotic Bohemian blog.

Blog Prompt-Bondage

July 25, 2008

I’m trying to keep this blog free of everyday things (I have another, non-anonymous blog for that), but I do want to write more than just occasionally. Therefore, I either write about everyday things or I get ideas from other blogs/networking sites. I’m choosing the latter.

This one’s from a ‘blog prompt’ group on Fetlife.com.

1. Yummy rope…or leather or chains…what’s your kink? Talk to me about being bound, about tying someone up, or seeing someone else tied up.

2. Do you like to struggle, or to surrender? Both? Why?

3. What are your thoughts when you realize you can’t get free?

1. Rope (especially shibari) can be beautiful to look at. I don’t know if I have the talent (or the patience!) for good shibari, but I do enjoy watching other people work. Leather has a nice feel on the skin, and is somehow comforting. Chains are aesthetically pleasing.

I have rarely been restrained, but the times I have been I’ve enjoyed it. I haven’t really tied anyone up for nefarious purposes, though I have buckled someone into a set of cuffs and a collar before (just for trying-on purposes, alas)…I rather enjoyed that too. ;)

2. I’m voting for both. Struggling is fun; I like testing the bonds and feeling the pressure on ankles and wrists. Unfortunately, my particular set of cuffs is a beginner’s velcro set (go ahead and laugh…;)) and I feel like I can’t really struggle as much as I may want to.

Surrendering has its merits too. Simply handing over control is…I hesitate to say ‘freeing’, because that’s not really it. Comfortable is close, but still isn’t quite right. I can’t really think of a correct word for the feeling. I’ll think about it and get back to you.

3. Here’s the thing. With the cuffs I have, I can get free at any time I choose, and I know that; therefore, I really can’t answer this one properly here. I don’t know how I’d feel about it, to be honest. I may enjoy it, I may panic… I suppose I’ll find out at some point.

Anyone who happens to read this, feel free to answer for yourselves in the comments.

July 20, 2008

The boy did indeed have fun. It was apparently a mellow party and would have been ideal for a newbie. Grrr. I hate working on the weekends…

He graciously said I could share the picture to the left. He had some quality time with a single-tail… That was taken a couple of hours after the party, and some of the marks have faded by now.

More introductions.

July 20, 2008

I’m rarely up this late anymore. I’m a nocturnal creature by nature, and am perfectly content sleeping five am to noon. Unfortunately, the job doesn’t allow that. So, I’m forced to get up early.

I occasionally suffer from mild insomnia. This happens to be one of those nights, so it’s late-night post time. I’ll be serving up two more introductions for you this evening.

Introduction the first: A few years ago, I met a woman in a very interesting way (this blog isn’t the place for that story, however. And no, it wasn’t that kind of interesting). We found out we shared a great number of interests and became friends quite quickly. This friend (we’ll call her SC) is a gaming geek like me, is poly, and has also been in the BDSM scene for many years as a dominant. I’ve been learning through osmosis, kind of; just kind of picking things up over the years. Lately, I’ve been asking more pointed questions, and she’s been kindly indulging my curiosity. She’s said she’d give me a ‘topping for dummies’ lesson soon. *grin*

Introduction the second: SC’s SO. We’re gonna call him FM. Another gaming/sci-fi geek to add to the roster! I met him when he started seeing SC, and we’ve been hanging out for a couple of years now. He’s also running our current tabletop game. It’s kind of an interesting situation when your regularly scheduled role-playing game session occasionally gets sidetracked by the showing off of new toys/cuffs/rope or by discussions of a play-party. *grin* It works, though.

As I learn more (and network more) I’m sure my list of dramatis personae will grow; as of now, it’s kind of a short list. Well, in real life, that is. I know a few online kinksters, and have been reading the blogs of others (by the way, if you haven’t already, check out the blogroll in the sidebar. There’s some interesting ideas and fun writing there), but that’s not quite the same as face-to-face interaction.

And now…time to try to overcome the insomnia monster. I grab my pillow +3 and wield it with a flourish.

G’night, all.

Envy.

July 19, 2008

Okay, so not like deadly sin-level envy…just a little pouty envy. ;)

There’s a play-party tonight in a town a few hours away. I’m working. I’m quite sad and will have to live vicariously through the boy (the boy saw my references to him, and when asked how he wanted to be referred to, said ”the boy’ is fine.’, so I’m running with it) , who is going. I’m eventually going to make it to one of these things…

Me, I’ll be at work, dealing with the public and forcing a smile. Grrr.

I do admit to being nervous (though very, very intrigued) at the prospect of attending a play-party for the first time. Partially it’s because I’d feel like a stranger in a strange land; the newbie in a group of people who know each other quite well. Another part is the sheer fact that I have no idea what to expect. However: nervousness was made to be gotten over. One of these months I’ll get to an event. *nods*

Bruises

July 18, 2008
(easily recognizable tattoo inexpertly covered by good ol’ MSpaint. *beam*)

I apparently bruise easily when bitten. This is a pain in my metaphorical ass.

Shoulders, back, back of the neck, legs, belly, all of these places are fine and I don’t care if I bruise. I actually like having them as a reminder of a fun time. When bruises happen on forearms and such, it’s a little tougher. When you can’t discuss your extracurricular activities with co-workers and some friends, how the hell do you explain the damn things?? *grin*

I’ve read good things about arnica as a bruise healer, so I picked up some ‘Arnicare Gel’. It’s kind of hard to tell if it’s working, though. Maybe I’ll get the boy to bite me twice, side by side; I’ll use the gel on one bruise and not on the other. ;) Gotta have a control in any good scientific experiment!

Any other suggestions for quicker bruise healing would be appreciated. :)

A Minor Dramatis Personae

July 16, 2008

Another thing I’m starting to realize about myself: I seem to have (or have developed) polyamorous leanings. When I was in high school and college, I was very much monogamous and didn’t think there was any other way to be. I was also a jealous person, and my self-esteem was in the toilet.

These days, my self-esteem is far far better, and I’m comfortable in my own skin. Oddly enough, I’m no longer possessive. I really think the two may go hand in hand.

On to the Dramatis Personae (a minor one, as I said; it’s a start):

My first introduction: Almost five years ago I and several of my friends were all very active in a text-based computer game (yes, I’m a MUDder). We ended up meeting many of our fellow players in real life, including several in the same state where I live. One of them was much younger than the majority of the group I hung out with, but he held his own well. When I say much younger, I mean he was barely eighteen at the time, and we were in our late twenties and early thirties.

This young man (I’ll call him WS for the sake of anonymity) asked me out on a date. I liked him as a friend, and thought he’d be a fun bed-partner, but didn’t want to ‘date’ him. He took it well, and went on to have a relationship with a girl close to his own age for a little over a year. After they broke up and right before his next visit (he visited us relatively often) he asked me out again. I said that I wasn’t in a dating mindset at that point and asked for his opinions on casual sex. ;) 20 year old guy, 33 year old woman? Not surprisingly, he thought that was a dandy idea.

Since then, I’ve shared some good quality fun times with this boy every few months when he can make time from his work to visit. He’s mostly vanilla but is willing to try new things; I’m not sure how he’s going to deal with my new desire to ‘kick things up a notch’, as it were. We’ll see.

My other introduction for this post: About two years ago give or take, another couple of friends of mine and I gathered some random players together to start a tabletop RP gaming group. We had some fun people respond, but only one stuck around. The one that stuck around was young, hot, and kinky.

We’ve been casual friends and gaming buddies for a while; in the past few months, things changed and we ended up getting closer. Neither one of us actually wanted to date the other (I’m still not in a dating mindset; I’m very much in a selfish frame of mind right now), but something more casual and relaxed? That works.

Since then there’s been a lot of making out and snuggling, which has been a lot of fun. There’s also been a lot of biting and scratching, which has been a whole different kind of fun. The biting and scratching started out on my end (in fact, I called him my ‘chewtoy’ for a while *grin*), because he responds to being clawed and bitten on his back like most people respond to a gentle massage. Then he turned the tables on me; one day we were snuggled up and relaxing, and he raked his nails –hard!!– over my back while I was in mid-sentence. I stuttered and ended up finishing “…I was saying something…with words…” and couldn’t think for a second or two. The sensation was amazingly pleasant, and the boy took note of my reaction for future use. *snicker*

My Chewtoy has since found an actual girlfriend; luckily, she’s willing to share, to a point. Snuggling’s fine (yay!), pain play is fine (yay!!), but no sex. And y’know, I’m pretty okay with that.

The boy also bites like a freaking pit bull; I’m generally left with lots of bruises on my back, shoulders, and arms when he’s been visiting. The last time he was here, in fact, he bit me twice on the delicate skin of my inner upper arm. The bites weren’t too much harder than normal, but the bruises are _huge_ and look like I’ve been punched.

I was mentioning the other day that ten years ago, I wouldn’t have seen a bunch of bruises as the sign of a good time. More seriously, had I seen a woman sporting bruises like the ones I’ve got now, my first and only thought would have been ‘Abuse!’. Wearing these pretty bruises myself, the reds and blues and greens of healing flesh, I realize that I _enjoy_ these reminders of fun playtime. Visually they’re interesting, and the soreness is a tiny echo of the pleasure that caused them. I seem to be wired more oddly than I originally realized…;)

Y’know, I can actually show off the more interesting marks/bruises here in this blog. It’ll be fun to share ’em with people that will ‘get it’. :)

The Story So Far

July 16, 2008

So far, my travels in the less vanilla world have been quite tame and quite few. Before recently (recently being the past few months), my experiences have mostly amounted to some light bondage with starter velcro cuffs, a lot of conversations with people in the BDSM scene (a good friend of mine has been in the lifestyle for many years), and being allowed to watch a scene or two (I’m very much the voyeur. ;)). I have a small rubber flogger, but until recently it hadn’t actually been used on or by me other than as a light tease, strands running across skin.

My experiences with pain have always been as a spice for sex. Biting and scratching, and me being the one doing most of that; a rare rough grab that would leave bruises on an arm or a leg. I assumed that that was the extent of my enjoyment of pain, but in the past few months I’ve realized that I was wrong. While I enjoyed the mild pain during sex, the sex wasn’t what made it enjoyable…I’ve discovered that I really enjoy pain.

Now, this isn’t to say that if I stub my toe I’m gonna go all gooey and happy. Nope. That shit hurts. But a good hard bite administered in the right place with the right timing? Oh yeah. That little rubber flogger wielded hard enough to sting? Very nice. A handful of hair tugged just right? Makes me crazy.

I’m still kind of coming to terms with that fact. For some reason I always saw enjoying a little pain during sex as “normal” (normal in quotes, because frankly I’ve never been quite normal. ;)). Enjoying pain for the sake of the pain? I really didn’t think that was my thing. Turns out I was wrong. Who knew?

Eventually I’m going to calm down on all the ‘intro posts’, but I’d rather do several subject-specific intros than one gigantic one that nobody’s going to end up finishing. *grin* Besides, the several-post beginning lets me get my thoughts together before each one.

Next: a minor Dramatis Personae.

Who is this annoying newbie, anyway? The ‘Who’ of this blog.

July 15, 2008

I suppose I should write a little about myself to kind of set the stage.

I’m a geek. I’m a gamer geek, sci-fi/fantasy geek, and really just kind of a random all-around geek. I like being a geek. I’m finding that geeks are surprisingly common amongst BDSM types, so I’m rather enjoying that.

Physically, I’m somewhat tall for a woman, fat (but with a good bit of muscle beneath), and pretty comfortable in my own skin these days. Mostly, at least. The last remnants of my self-esteem issues are still there, but going away bit by bit. My eyes are pale-ish and my hair is long; very long. Perfectly straight. I tend to get my hair stroked quite a bit by many different people…and no complaints from me. :)

Mentally, I’m relatively stable. ;) I’ve just been through an extraordinarily stressful time in my life and seem to have gotten past it at least mostly unscathed. There are lingering stresses, but nothing unmanageable.

Emotionally, I’m in an interesting place. I call it a selfish point in my life; instead of worrying and wondering about what other people think of me or want from me, I’m going to enjoy being me for a while. This isn’t to say I’m being a jerk or ignoring friends in need; I basically mean that I’m trying to make myself my first priority these days.

Sexually, I’m bisexual. The way I tend to describe it is this: My attraction to males is more primal (a ‘need’), and my attraction to females is more aesthetic (a ‘want’). This is obviously a generalization, but it stands for the majority of physical gender. I’m finding that I have polyamorous leanings as well, at least when it comes to non-committed relationships.

As for the BDSM side of things, I call myself a switch; topping and bottoming both appeal to me quite a bit, at least in theory. I haven’t done a lot of either. I’ve also always known that I like a little pain mixed in with my pleasure (you know, a bite on the shoulder during sex. Bruises from being grabbed a little too roughly by the arm, that kind of thing). Lately I’m realizing that that the level of pain I enjoy is actually quite a bit higher than I’ve thought all these years…

This blog is going to probably be vastly boring for anyone but me, but it’s a place to get my thoughts together and maybe learn a little something from a wide variety of people. That’s the theory, at least. ;)

So that’s me in a nutshell. Any questions?

All the cool kids are doing it! The ‘Why’ of this blog.

July 15, 2008

So yeah. Blogging.

I’ve had a Livejournal account for years, and most of my friends have a link to it. I’ve made a couple of posts there with thoughts and questions about BDSM, kink and polyamory, but they were set on a pretty extreme friend filter (extreme as in only two people other than myself could actually see it). Therefore, there wasn’t a lot of outside input…the two people that could see the posts are people I see on a weekly basis!

I’ve had friends in the BDSM/kink/poly scenes for years on and off, and despite having pretty strong curiosity have never gotten into them myself; a good chunk of my reticence has been due to remnants of self-esteem issues that I’ve been getting over in stages for years. I’ve recently decided to explore my curiosity and see where it takes me.

I’ve been researching recently, and a lot of my research has brought me to individual blogs. Real people, real experiences, and a lot of fun. I got the idea in my head to set up a blog of my own under a different name. That way I’d be a little less hesitant to talk about anything I felt like exploring. We’ll see how it works…